I Went Back To Ohio

This weekend I flew to Ohio to visit the wife's family. We had a good time. We ate well, laughed well, and didn't get much sleep.

On Saturday, we went to my niece's high school soccer game. She cheerleaded in 42 degree weather while we watched in 42 degree weather.

Now I love all things British but I will never like soccer. We sat and watched two teams for two hours kick a little ball around and tie the game. No one won! No one cared! That isn't a sport. Players would get penalties but no one seems to no why. Give me football any day.

Anyway, my other niece has two children four and below. We spent much time playing with them and what not. Good kids.

One thing about the world of children that I have noticed is the awlful songs they sing. I had forgotten how dreadful children's songs are, especially Christian children's songs. I remember when I was younger and had to take a long journey with my younger siblings - I had to undergo hours of sappy songs. Now I don't think this is what Jesus meant when he said "suffer the little children to come unto me."

So on the plane home, I began to write or re-write my own Christian children's songs. If you'll endulge me ...


God said to Noah,
"Go build an arky-arky,
Fill it with animals,
the ones that go 'moo', 'barky-barky'.
It's gonna rain and
get very darky-darky."
God's gonna wipe out the earth.

(Not bad, eh? Here's the second verse.)

God said to Noah,
"It's about to get funky-funky,
Tie down the animals,
especially the monkey-monkeys.
It's gonna flood and
Kill all the honkey-honkeys."
God's gonna wipe out the earth.

(My wife thinks I'm terrible, so I came out with another song about Neo-Orthodoxy.)

Soren Kierkegaard had many sons
Many sons had Soren Kierkegaard
And I am one of them
And so are you
So let's just name them all
Karl Barth

Soren Kierkegaard had many sons
Many sons had Soren Kierkegaard
And I am one of them
And so are you
So let's just name them all
Karl Barth, Frank Stagg

Soren Kierkegaard had many sons
Many sons had Soren Kierkegaard
And I am one of them
And so are you
So let's just name them all
Karl Barth, Frank Stagg, Bultmann

(And it goes on like that with Brunner, Niebuhr, Moody, Tillich, etc.)

It'll be these songs David Bowie and Ren and Stimpy's "Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy."

Yes, my kids are going to need quite a bit of therapy.

Another interesting thing that occurred during my trip was my attendance at two churches Sunday morning.

The first church I attended was for an early morning service. The church (which I will call C.C.) was in a realtively "bad" part of town. The older building had been renovated on the inside and looked somewhat good. But the balconies partially hid the screen to the right and the sound was atrocious. My dad would have had a fit having to lead worship with sound that bad.

The early service was almost empty, only a few dozen attendees, of which 60% were African-American. The pastor, though, was white but prerached in a slighty African-American manner. The service itself was structured similar to an African-American church service.

The worship service was contemporary. The pastor noted that the usual worship leader was out and the Thursday night band had stepped in. They were not too bad but the singing from the three worship leaders was off.

But all this stuff is peripheral a part from the teaching of the Scripture. The pastor came up and began an expository sermon on 1 Kings 17:1-16. This was the second part of a series called "To Have in a Have Not World." Yes, my friens, this was a health and wealth sermon.

The pastor taught about God providing "perfected prosperity" and "abundance" to all who have faith in Him. And this wasn't fruit of the spirit but finances.

Despite the expository nature of his sermon, he totally mis-interpreted the text again and again. Even the details were wrong. He said that the Zarephath widow was a Philistine. But the Philistines were from the South and Zarephath is in the north. She could not have been a Philistine. I looked in vain through the Bible for any hint that she might have been. He also allegorized parts of the text to seek his own meaning. The hermeneutic applied was rancid.

At one point he went on a tanget about those who are "heresy hunters" in churches. He mentioned a fellow pastor whose church had a couple who frequently visited and seemed to fit in well but suddenly stopped attending. When this fellow pastor went to find out what was wrong he discovered that the couple disliked that the church, Trinitarian though it was, baptized in the name of the Jesus only and not the Father, the Son, and the Spirit.

Now the pastor preaching ridiculed this couple as being "heresy hunters." But from what he said, this couple had a theological problem with the church, did not raise a stink in the church, but only decided not to attend. Now that was their choice and they behaved civially about the matter, but becasue they had a problem with a church they are now suspect according to this pastor. Hitting a nerve, reverend?

The pastor went on to call all such matters trivial and such distinctions a matter of nuance. "What does it matter about whose name you Baptize in as long as the Holy Spirit was working there?"

I saw a thousand chapel sermon examples in this one pastor pass before my eyes.

He ended the service with prayer, a prophecy concerning a man worried about his job, and a call for anyone to recieve Christ as his Lord and Saviour.

I assume this church is Baptist though it does not say so on its name. The bulletin calls on anyone to come for membership, Baptism, and communion and the church has a baptismal pool up front. Sure signs.

I also noticed that services are recorded for TV a few times a week, and for radio many times a week.

I was not to happy with the sermon to say the least. More than anything, the misuse of Scripture, too many to mention, grated on my nerves. And these were not legitimate mistakes but careless hermeneutics like sloppy research, allegorizing, and eisegesis. Nevertheless, he presented the material in an expository manner. So all is well.

Now, I may have come at a bad day. It's possible. I may have come in the middle of a sermon series on health and wealth. Heck, last year I went home to visit a church and the pastor chose that Sunday to preach on tithing. He came up to me after the service and said, "I don't usually preach on tithing; just once a year. It figures that the one Sunday I get a seminary student in the service I have to preach on this subject." I have heard similar stories over the years.

Which brings me to the other church (which I will call H.H.). This church is a SBC church in Ohio. It must be because they showed a Cooperative Program video about China in the 11:00 am service.

This was a great church. They have a single head pastor but many other pastors working in the church. The have two church plants with which they are working. Their ministries include helping the poor, sending missionaries, and they are currently building a separate building on the other side of town to reach the people for Christ.

Their service is contemporary and the band is good. Real good actually. The worship leader is great and his back up singers are VERY good. The songs they chose are good as well.

I mentioned the building program. The bulletin insert had half a dozen testimonies about tithing. There was a video testimony during the service about tithing. Tithing was mentioned by the pastor during the announcements.

It happens.

Now I have met this pastor before and he is tremendous. He is very humble and mild-mannered and a joy with which to be. I respect him greatly.

His sermon was on the subject of the "peace" of God. He had collected together numerous passages and verses together to teach this topic. Hardly expository. He touched on the source of peace, the substance of peace, and the scope of peace. All his points were biblical and interepreted correctly. He even touched on the subject of finances and how we have or don't have peace despite our economic circumstances. Nice.

Amazing how a non-expository sermon was truer to the Scriptures than a non-expository sermon. Funny that.

Of course, an expository sermon is like inerrancy: everyone believes in it but no one is sure what it means.

Anyway, I greatly enjoyed the sermon and it sparked many thoughts in my mind. Finiteness and freedom can cause anxiety and fear. Faith/trust in God brings us peace. Lack of faith/trust in God brings self-reliance, pride and idolatry. All of this can be found in Reinhold Niebuhr's The Nature and Destiny of Man, Volume I, Human Nature.

Interestingly, H.H. is advertising a new Ohio proposition to protect marriage. The pastor told everyone to vote yes on this proposition and some youth passing out yard signs to all the members after the service.

All in all, this was a great trip. I filled my belly on homemade cabbage rolls and brought home two suit cases full of second-hand but never worn clothes (three pairs of dress shoes, several shirts, many sweaters, and a pair of pants). All in all a great haul.

So if you see me dressing fine you'll know I went back to Ohio.