"Thinking Eternally, Acting Locally." - Neal August
While I’ve been writing my first novel I’ve also been collecting and recording the names of 20th and 21st century celebrities who are Christians but not necessarily known as ministers or clergy. For example, I would list Angela Bassett, Alice Cooper, Kathy Ireland, and Barak Obama but not Billy Graham, N.T. Wright, James Dobson, and Joyce Meyer.
Quite a while back I posted my then current list and asked for any suggestions. I got a few and added the ones I could vet.
So I’ve decided to post the current list and see if there are any new suggestions.
The List
Willie Aames
Harold Abrams
Clay Aiken
Anna Akhmatova
Ivo Andrić
Reginald "Fieldy/Reggie" Arvizu
Bret Baier
Stephen Baldwin
Angela Bassett
Orson Bean
William J. Bennett
Jodi Benson
David Berkowitz
Crystal Bernard
Fred Berry
Tony Blair
Bono
Pat Boone
Hermann Broch
Gary Busey
George W. Bush
Candace Cameron
Kirk Cameron
Glen Campbell
Orson Scott Card
Jimmy Carter
Johnny Cash
June Carter Cash
Samuel Truett Cathy
Kristin Chenoweth
Kelly Clarkson
Bruce Cockburn
Stephen Colbert
Natalie Cole
Alice Cooper
Ann Coulter
David Crystal
Billy Ray Cyrus
Miley Cyrus
Charlie Daniels
Judy Dench
Dion Francis DiMucci
Alfred Döblin
Pete Docter
Steve Doocy
Donna Douglas
Tony Dungy
Scott Durbin
Bob Dylan
T.S. Eliot
Shusaku Endo
Josef Eszterhas
The Everly Brothers
Mark Fredrick Farner
Anthony Field
Jane Fonda
George Foreman
Gordon Gano
Raymond Garlick
Jon Gibson
Kathie Lee Gifford
John Glenn
Al Green
Justin Guarini
Alec Guinness
Jester Joseph Hairston
MC Hammer
Johnny Hart
Steve Harvey
Edith Head
David Heath
Evander Holyfield
Brit Hume
Kathy Ireland
Michael Irvin
Victoria Jackson
Avery Johnson
Dean Jones
Quincy Jones
Martin Luther King Jr.
Thomas Kinkade
Evel Knievel
Nikita S. Koloff
Lenny Kravitz
Lawrence Kudlow
Anne Lamott
Steven Michael Largent
Halldór Laxness
Tom Lester
C.S. Lewis
Eric Liddell
Rush Limbaugh
Donna Jean (Godchaux) MacKay
Gavin MacLeod
Kōichi Mashimo
Nicko McBrain (long time Iron Maiden drummer)
Norma McCorvey ("Jane Roe")
Nancy McKeon
Steve McQueen
Shawn Michaels
Toshiro Mifune
Moby
Ricardo Montalbán
Mr. T
Stuart Murdoch
Chuck Norris
Bob Novak
Barak Obama
Sinead O’Connor
Johnny Otis
Betty Paige
Sarah Palin
Boris Pasternak
Mary Jo Pehl
Tyler Perry
Chynna Phillips
Dennis Quaid
Anthony Quinn
Ronald Reagan
Harry Reems
Christina Ricci
Ann Rice
Cliff Richard
Little Richard
David Robinson
Fred Rogers
Dean Roland
Ed Roland
Caesar Romero
Mickey Rooney
Rene Russo
Jane Russell
Tim Russert
Pat Sajak
Deion Sanders
John Schneider
Charles Schulz
Al Sharpton
Martin Sheen
Jessica Simpson
Michael Singletary
Tony Snow
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Dusty Springfield
Noel "Paul" Stookey
Andrew Sullivan
Andrei Arsenyevich Tarkovsky
John-Michael Tebelak
John Tesh
Cal Thomas
J.R.R. Tolkien
Chris Tucker
Miguel de Unamuno
Sigrid Undset
Jay Underwood
Luna Vachon
Courtney B. Vance
Luther Vandross
Eduardo Verástegui
Michael Vick
Lark Voorhies
Rick Wakeman
Andy Warhol
Kurt Warner
Denzel Washington
Pauletta Pearson Washington
Brian “Head” Welch
Fay Weldon
Cornel West
Lisa Whelchel
Barry White
Reggie White
Juan Williams
Demond Wilson
"Weird Al" Yankovic
Franco Zeffirelli
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Friday, February 05, 2010
Emo Philips: "The best God joke ever - and it's mine!"
by Emo Philips
The Guardian, Thursday 29 September 2005
This morning I received thrilling news: a joke I wrote more than 20 years ago has been voted the funniest religious joke of all time! In case you've missed it, here it is:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
Two things, however, have slightly tarnished my thrill.
First, the website that conducted the poll, Ship of Fools, did not attribute me as the author. Arghhhhh! Sure, it has been quite a while since I performed it. And true, I'm not on TV all the time like some comedians I could name if I watched TV all the time. But come on, guys! The slightest Google search! But back in the day ... ah, my friends! That joke and I astounded the world! Everywhere I played, in the largest of British theatres, the audiences clamoured for it! I told it not once but twice on British television. A few years ago it was voted by my peers as one of the top 75 jokes of all time. It has been anthologized in several joke books, most recently in Italian; the translator gave me a copy a few weeks ago after one of my shows. He pointed the joke out, without telling me which it was ... but I immediately recognised my old friend by the word "ponte".
Second, I learned why Ship of Fools was running the poll ... to shed light on the possible effect if the British government goes ahead with its intention to outlaw "offensive" religious jokes. Such a law would be a bad idea, for the simple reason that jokes are how we humans avoid violence. Jokes are our safety-release mechanism. Sure they can sometimes be offensive. So can burps. But if you ban them even worse results happen. And believe me, if someone tells a joke that truly offends, he or she will be punished for it. That's one area for sure where the government can take it easy and relax.
So I hope the ban never goes into effect. But in case it does, I had better seize this last glorious moment to tell the rest of my religious jokes. Here goes:
· When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!
· So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."
· A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."
· I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
· When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster
· The "Guy on the Bridge" joke can be heard on E=MO Squared (1985) which coincidentally is re-released on CD this month.
www.emophilips.com
The Guardian, Thursday 29 September 2005
This morning I received thrilling news: a joke I wrote more than 20 years ago has been voted the funniest religious joke of all time! In case you've missed it, here it is:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
Two things, however, have slightly tarnished my thrill.
First, the website that conducted the poll, Ship of Fools, did not attribute me as the author. Arghhhhh! Sure, it has been quite a while since I performed it. And true, I'm not on TV all the time like some comedians I could name if I watched TV all the time. But come on, guys! The slightest Google search! But back in the day ... ah, my friends! That joke and I astounded the world! Everywhere I played, in the largest of British theatres, the audiences clamoured for it! I told it not once but twice on British television. A few years ago it was voted by my peers as one of the top 75 jokes of all time. It has been anthologized in several joke books, most recently in Italian; the translator gave me a copy a few weeks ago after one of my shows. He pointed the joke out, without telling me which it was ... but I immediately recognised my old friend by the word "ponte".
Second, I learned why Ship of Fools was running the poll ... to shed light on the possible effect if the British government goes ahead with its intention to outlaw "offensive" religious jokes. Such a law would be a bad idea, for the simple reason that jokes are how we humans avoid violence. Jokes are our safety-release mechanism. Sure they can sometimes be offensive. So can burps. But if you ban them even worse results happen. And believe me, if someone tells a joke that truly offends, he or she will be punished for it. That's one area for sure where the government can take it easy and relax.
So I hope the ban never goes into effect. But in case it does, I had better seize this last glorious moment to tell the rest of my religious jokes. Here goes:
· When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!
· So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."
· A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."
· I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
· When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster
· The "Guy on the Bridge" joke can be heard on E=MO Squared (1985) which coincidentally is re-released on CD this month.
www.emophilips.com
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
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