For prospective seminary students…

I like these suggestions. My own can be read here. Allow me to make commentary.

Please be advised of the following. Failure to observe and apply these helpful hints will deprive your seminary experience. We at Baptist Blogger would have enjoyed a more profitable seminary education if we had heard and observed all these rules. There are four or five or ten wherein we failed miserably and frequently.

1. There is no such thing as a tenant of Arminian theology.

2. There is no such thing as a tenet of Armenian theology.

3. When referencing the sixteenth century reformer, Martin Luther, it is not necessary to tell your professor that he “nailed the ninety-five theses to the church door at Wittenburg.” Your professor knows you are not referencing the 20th century Civil Rights leader. The same rule applies to all major figures in church history. Resist the temptation to explore obvious and overused facts in your writing. Write about something that few men know.

Well, that would be Christian and Baptist History, wouldn’t it?

4. John MacArthur’s commentaries are great for stealing sermons. They are unacceptable for exegetical research.

Shazaam!

5. Never, ever use an exclamation point for any reason whatsoever.

Never!

6. The unexpected death of a church member does not absolve you of weeks of procrastination.

But it does help to dilute it.

7. Learn Turabian early, and review her often. There is no excuse for submitting research papers with homespun formatting. Trust me, you cannot intuit Kate’s ways.

Of course, Turabian and SWBTS styles change with each semester and the with the temperament of the professor.

8. Footnotes serve nobler purposes than mere source citations. Use them to demonstrate that you have interacted substantively with a source by elaborating an explanation.

I agree. (1)

9. The Holy Bible is inerrant, infallible, and inspired. It is not, however, an occasion for bibliographic buttressing.

But it’s often an occasion for heretical buttressing.

10. Have someone other than your wife or roommate edit your major term papers. Ask your professor to recommend a student, and pay him for his labors. An excellent grade is worth a modest sum.

An excellent education is worth disproportionately large sum.

11. Learn to search for journal articles outside of JETS. If you don’t know what JETS is, do not try to find out.

She's got electric boots a mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazine

12. When choosing between professors, find one that has published at least one significant monograph within the past five years. Too many seminary professors are woefully incapable of rigorous academic research, and if your professor lists a Winter Bible Study or journal article from his own seminary journal on his curriculum vitae, pass on him.

And choose one quickly; such professors will not be allowed to hang around for too much longer.

13. Do not presuppose that you will learn what you need to learn from a seminary education. Seminary, if it serves its purpose, will equip you with some of the tools you will need, not all of them.

It will also equip you with some of the tools you don’t need.

14. Find a spot in the library away from high traffic areas and live there between classes. Stay away from the coffee shops. Do not waste your energies rutting with the spring bucks.

At SWBTS, I myself prefer a spot near the neo-orthodox theologians and the journal articles. However, at non-Christian educational institutions, I can always be found near PR 6019.

15. Purchase a copy of Hans Frei’s The Eclipse of Biblical Narrative and read the first 100 pages every semester.

But remember not to look directly at the words (joke).

I have read Frei (for German) but not this book. Having read the two blurbs below, I am now quite interested. My own studies have led me in the direction of handling the Bible as narrative rather than as symbolic or historical.

“Hans Frei argues that questioning the historicity of the biblical documents in the modern era has led to the loss of the integrity of the narrative structure. This has shifted meaning from the patterns and structure of the narrative itself to external reference. Frei argues that this takes two forms. Those who argued for the historicity of the documents found meaning in the historical events themselves, while those who denied the historicity found meaning in the symbolic ideas or concepts that supposedly lie behind the myths. Both locate meaning outside the text. In response, Frei contends that Scripture is a realistic narrative (i.e., history-like). A realistic narrative firmly sets its characters and actions within the context of their historical and social context. Even the miraculous episodes are realistic if they help render a particular character or story. The history-like realism draws us into the story with the result that the story shapes our lives. The power of narrative is lost when meaning is located outside the narrative: in ideals, doctrines, or historical facts. This is a must read for anyone interested in narrative theology. It is the classic text in the field, from which all other works owe their inspiration.”

“Frei's influence on fellow theologians is significant, particularly in postliberal and narrative theological schools of thought. (Narrative theology is a the theological movement with which I am most intrigued at present.) Frei doesn't see the authority of scripture as consisting either in its historical accuracy or in its role as 'life's little guidebook' as some would make it out to be. The stories, the narratives, are key to Frei. However, these must be treated with care, not simply as historical 'chunks' or as mere fables or fairy tales with a moral. Jewish rabbinical tradition has remained more true to the narrative aspect than the Christian tradition has, Frei argues.

Too much of Christian theology starts from the wrong basis, Frei contends. They start with overarching principles or grounded-in-the-present guidelines that try to relate the text either to the present day in artificial ways or to an historical situation of which we have very little knowledge and even less direct experiential access. Perhaps Shakespeare's pronouncement that 'the play's the thing' serves as a good encapsulation -- one must begin with the stories, the narratives, the play, and be led from those, rather than trying to fit them into preconceived notions of existential or philosophic paradigms.”

16. Expand your knowledge base of art, literature, and music. Visit at least one museum a year, and spend the day. Attend a symphony. Read Shakespeare.

Art, literature, music, film and history.

17. Serve one year as a professor’s grader. There’s nothing like reading stacks of horrible research papers to teach you how not to write.

“Nobody knows de trouble I seen ...”

18. Refuse to purchase every book your professor requires. Many professors think that their academic respectability among their peers is contingent on large reading lists.

That’s why God gave us libraries. But you gotta be quick!

19. Every semester, look over the doctoral reading lists. Spend the time you would have spent reading the frivolous assignments in your Master’s level courses to read the stuff of which Ph.D.’s are made.

Very good advice. I received mine this past Friday.

20. Listen attentively to the names of theologians — Evangelical or otherwise — most often criticized and ridiculed by your professors with flippant, unsophisticated one-liners. Choose these men as the subject of your major research paper for their classes.

Karl Barth
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
David Bosch
Emil Brunner
Martin Buber
Stanley Grenz
Stanley Hauerwas
Soren Kierkegaard
Hans Kung
Dale Moody
E.Y. Mullins
Reinhold Niebuhr
Origen
Clark Pinnock
Friedrich Schleiermacher
Albert Schweitzer
Frank Stagg
William Estep
Leon McBeth
W. F. Albright
Walter Brueggeman
Alexander A. Di Lella
Ralph Elliott
Nahum Sarna
Phyliss Tribble
Rudolph Bultmann
Oscar Cullmann
James D. G. Dunn
Kenneth Gentry
Michael Goulder
E.P. Sanders
N. T. Wright

21. Find a well-worn copy of Helmut Thielicke’s sermons on the parables. Devour it.
Ezekiel 3:1-3.

I have actually read a number of these. We had to translate a few of them for German.

I’d also recommend David Wenham’s book and that of Kenneth Bailey.

22. Befriend an international student. Listen to him.

Hopefully one that speaks English or one that speaks a language you know.

23. Skip chapel most of the time for early lunches off campus with friends. Hooky is liberating.

In truth, only go to those chapels which feature a speaker you want to hear. Those will be the best two chapels of your semester.

24. Search for nursing homes and retirement communities that will let you preach or teach Bible studies. The single greatest deficiency in most young pastors is the inability to interact with senior adults. Eat their cookies and pies. Take them flowers. Ask them to pray for you.

Very good.

25. Write at least one unassigned paper during your time at seminary.

Also, attempt to write one essay or sermon per week.
26. Tithe.

Unless you think that it is unbiblical. I do, but I tithe none the less.

27. If you are not pastoring, do not attend the church most frequented by seminary students. Find a church 20 miles out of town and join it.

Hmm, that would be Travis Avenue, Wedgewood and that other one off of 20. What is that one? Can’t think of it.

28. Do not huddle near your seminary president at the end of class or chapel. If you can manage to get through seminary without his knowing your name, you have truly accomplished something.

Dang.

29. Attend associational pastor’s conferences as often as possible. Drink coffee with older pastors. Ask lots of questions.

Always ask questions.

30. Date your wife. If you’re not married, date as many girls as will go out with you.

Date liberals, but marry conservatives.

31. Offer to babysit for a seminary couple so they can comply with #30 above.

Also, former seminary students; someone needs to date daddy’s little synthesis while we go see Harry Potter V.

32. Pay close attention in your church administration class. Keep copies of every handout. Compile a notebook of church policy and procedure manuals.

These can be used to fill the spaces left in the church office from all the paper that needs to be shredded prior to the church’s audit of your staff credit card.

33. Have a little wine for thy stomach’s sake.

Also consider martinis, Grey Goose or Absolut vodka, straight up, dirty and with a few olives.

And also beer, dark enough that light cannot go through it.

34. Smoke a cigar, preferably this one.

Nah! Not for me. No thanks.

35. Peruse every issue of National Geographic, Time Magazine, and Psychology Today. Cull them for sermon illustrations.

36. Ask no more than three questions in class per semester.

And only ask questions that you know will be beneficial to the rest of the class. All other questions should be asked either at the end of the class or in another venue.

37. Completely fill out all professor reviews at the semester’s end. Write substantive comments and honest appraisals of the professor’s performance.

Yes, please do so. All professors should want to read these (unless their close to retirement). Those professors who do not like student feedback should not be teaching.

38. Sneak into chapel alone at odd times and preach a sermon to no one.

This will prepare for ministry in the Church.

39. Wear shorts, flipflops, tshirts, and ballcaps to class. There’s plenty of time in ministry to wear suits, ties, and dress shoes.

Yes, but we must appear Christ-like and that means suits and ties. We want to dress our best for God. We do not want anyone questioning our witness. We do not want our Christian liberty cause a brother to stumble. You may think that I am simply stating my own opinion and personal tastes about what I think is best to wear and then finding various verses in the Bible to support my personal preference so that any one who disagrees with my personal tastes are actually disagreeing with God ... but you're way off.

40. Cultivate the closest relationships with students headed for the mission field.

Yes.

41. Avoid “accountability groups” of fellow seminarians at all cost.

Oh, God, yes! Find an “accountability friend” who either thinks relatively like you do on particular theological issues or one who is secure enough in his own beliefs not to be angry when someone has a belief different than his.

42. Contact the chaplain’s office of a local hospital. Offer to visit people who have no minister.

Very good actually.

43. Sit in a different spot every week.

In class or in church?

44. Invert the seminary course plan. Save classes like evangelism, the scripture introductory courses, pastoral care and counseling for the end of your degree.

See here.

45. Join the seminary choir for one semester. Learn to read music.

We have a choir?

46. Join a protest — at least once — in front of an abortion clinic.

No, I disagree.

47. Write anonymous notes of encouragement to fellow students. Slip a ten dollar bill in the envelope.

Is he soliciting?

48. Burn at least one textbook in a ceremony of private dissent. Most books on leadership make for good kindling.

If your Baptist History textbook is not by McBeth, then treat it like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

49. Dye your hair or shave your head or both. Do something counter-cultural.

I have a beard.

50. Pay all your bills on time.

Except bills designated for the government, educational institutions, and all other not-for-profit organizations.

Therefore, seminary housing is due at the very first of the month!



(1) I agree very much.