Giving Students The Business

[Here is an oldie but "goodie"; posting it nearly got me expelled]

September 15, 2004

XX SWBTS Giving Students The Business XX

Today the offices of Southwestern seminary were buzzing over letters sent this week to students with unpaid tuition and fees that suggested that if $250,000 in funds were not received that it was probable that five seminary professors would lose their jobs.

Sources in the business offices acknowledged that the letters had created much discussion amongst the staff and that many students had expressed concerns about the safety of their professor’s employment.

This news comes less five months after the seminary trustees approved a budget of $31.5 million, a 2.58 percent increase over the previous year's budget, elected eight faculty members to the theology and educational ministries schools, and elected two new deans. Within the past 15 months, SWBTS has remodeled the presidential house, built a new presidential library estimated at $100,000, and constructed a $3,000 presidential BBQ pit.

This news also follows both a seminary housing rent and tuition increase.

Also, returning students may notice the addition of new multiple flat-screen TVs across campus for watching chapel. They may also notice the new card sliding machines that ensure that students taking Spiritual Formations attend chapel services.

Those close to the Business Administration affirmed the possibility of an era in judgment concerning the wording of the letters. They also stated that the intent of the letters was to remind students that the Seminary suffers corporately when people do not pay their fees.

[Editorial Note: The body wouldn’t suffer; just a few members.]

[PC] has obtained a photocopy of one of the letters sent to a seminary student. After being allowed to check the original letter and verifying the authenticity of the letter with the Business Administration we can now reproduce the letter in full.



SOUTHWESTERN BAPTIST THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
Business Office

September 9, 2004

Dear XXXXX

We have 1/4 of a million dollars in unpaid student tuition and fees. If we do not receive those funds, it is highly probable that we will have to release five professors from the Seminary faculty.

This is not a threat to you, but a sincere reminder that the Seminary suffers corporately when people do not pay what they owe. Further, it is a matter of ethical and moral significance that students either pay their bills or in the inevitability that it is impossible that they come by the Business Office to explain their situation and to make proper arrangements.

If you believe an error has been made, please contact XXXXX at (555) 555-5555, ext. 5555. Thank you for helping clear up the status of your account.

Blessings,

XXXXX