Top Ten Things a Seminary President Does as a NFL Coach

1. Fire all the old football historians first

2. Insist all players play the game based on the collegiate rules of 1920

3. Start a college team and several extension stadiums to increase game attendance

4. Fire everyone who thinks women can play football

5. Fire any woman in management who publicly explains the game of football

6. Fire anyone who associates too closely with those who practice the “Hail Mary”

7. Build a massive new stadium next to the old stadium even though the old one is at ¼ capacity

8. Spend millions of dollars on a fraudulent Vince Lombardi playbook

9. Let it be known: “It’s not enough to play his way; you have to believe his way is right.”

10. If a star player is accused of assaulting a cheerleader, bring that cheerleader in to “Break her down”